


Nothing

by TheW0rldAsSeenInBaybayin



Series: Squire No More [1]
Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Canon Divergence, Conscience, Drama, F/M, Heartache, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, One Shot, Some Humor, Soulrise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheW0rldAsSeenInBaybayin/pseuds/TheW0rldAsSeenInBaybayin
Summary: You can’t eat compliments.  Marco decides to be honest to himself.
Relationships: Star Butterfly/Tom Lucitor
Series: Squire No More [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2112225
Comments: 7
Kudos: 9





	Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> After reading the masterpiece [”Stay”](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12894415/1/Stay) over in FanFiction.Net, this fanfic soon formed in my mind. Seriously though, how in the world does Marco find the willpower to stick around after everything he’s been put through?

Tom hadn’t needed to wear _his_ hoodie to get the point across, Marco reckoned as he rested upon his bed.

His face was still damp from the stream of tears across his face, flowing in and out like the waters of a passing tide upon the sandy shores of Earth as Marco reviewed every single memory of him and the princess, trying to figure out how he managed to utterly screw it up. 

As the hours passed by, his sniffles gave way to snores and the squire sank into a deep, uneasy slumber in a dark corner of his mind. Blackness dominated his consciousness as the human floated within the shapeless void. From above, a crescent moon shone red in the night sky.

_Well, that was a horrible evening. Happy Birthday, Marco._

* * *

Breakfast with the Royal Family was unusually silent, with the normally affable Marco inexplicably rendered aloof and taciturn in conversation. Star’s lively bursts of chatter, gushing over her date with Tom yesterday met an unexpected roadblock when her squire rose from his seat—plate cleaned and emptied, a record time even for the Safe Kid—and excused himself from the room.

Star, surprised at the dismissal, stared blankly at Marco’s receding form as he walked out into the hallway. Moon and River glanced at each other, sharing a look of mutual concern.

Marco remained as taciturn as ever throughout the day, speaking only to reply or to excuse himself through a tight space. The sounds of Mewni—Higgs’s taunts, River’s enthusiastic bellows, the twinkle of the Royal Wand as it summoned spell after spell within the castle halls—faded into the background, only his own thoughts penetrating through the incomprehensible din. The lone figure watched the golden disk ascend and fall from the sky, before receding into his room as the crimson heavens gave way to the thick blue strokes of the evening sky.

 _You know you don’t_ have _to stay with her, right?_

Marco shook the thought from his mind, focusing on the cake he was mindlessly munching on.

_You could just leave. Go back to Earth and get your life back in order._

Stuffing an abnormally large slice into his mouth, the Latino purged the thought from his mind. That faint voice speaking in his head sighed.

_Really, Marco? Comfort eating? Eurgh, why do I even bother…_

Marco looked around, his frown burrowing deep into his forehead. “You know, you seem to be unusually talkative for a voice in the back of my head.”

_I’m your conscience. We haven’t spoken in a while._

“Oh yeah, sure, very funny. How do I know you’re not another one of Tom’s curses?”

 _Cheesy_ Nemo _reference aside, Tom’s got nothing on you this time. I_ am _that “little voice in the back of your head” like in all those clich_ _é_ _d movies you and Star used to watch; in a nutshell, a manifestation of everything that makes you Marco Diaz, safe kid, princess’s squire, and “misunderstood bad boy,” whatever the hell_ that _means._

“What about Naysaya? Monster Arm?”

_Assimilated into you and me, safe kid. Not like a copy and paste thing, more of a string woven into a fabric to make a whole. Don’t worry about it; they’re not exactly a problem anymore than nachos are nachos once you’ve eaten them. Eww, that comparison wasn’t as disgusting in my imagination._

“That’s probably Monster Arm talking.”

_...yeah, fair enough._

“And why exactly are you talking to me at roughly one in the morning? I’m delirious, aren’t I?”

_Maybe. Probably. Possibly. Likely. Definitely. Yes. Go to bed._

Marco rolled his eyes.Did he really have to deal with this?

 _But since I’m here, I might as well talk to you. We have something important to discuss, something you’ve been brushing aside for the past few weeks. Something, or rather_ someone _, important._

No, he didn’t need this right now. Marco rose from his seat, deciding to try and clear his thoughts with a glass of water. “We’ve gone through this before.”

_That was just a temporary stopgap to assuage your guilt, and you know it. You’ve got to start thinking ahead, kid—_

“I’ll be her friend, her loyal squire, her bestie. To go clubbing and share nachos and—”

_Yes, yes, all that baloney and crap. But that’s not why you went to Mewni, was it?_

Marco paused before the door, his hands tightly gripping the knob.

 _You didn’t come to be her friend; you sure didn’t plan on becoming her squire, either._ Silence reigned in the room. _Go on, say it. You know it’s true; it took you seeing them to know it._

The boy sighed. “No.”

_It’s just three words, kid. It’s more or less obvious to everyone but you and Star; your face literally screams it every time you see her around, and god knows how you manage to hold it together every time she and Tom walk across the hallways or make out in the palace gardens._

“I can’t do that. She doesn’t deserve that.”

_So you deserve to be the one left alone to cry? You’ve known it since the moment you stepped back onto Mewni, but somehow it took the Soulrise for you to see it for what it is. When you saw the happiness in her eyes and the laughter she shared with Tom. When you saw them intertwined under that umbrella, their lips linked together—_

“Don’t put that image in my head.”

_She doesn’t need you for that part, and she definitely won’t need you for that anytime soon. There’s no mincing words here, kid—you’ve been replaced by someone else, right down to the damned hoodie. Look at them, they’re right over there in the corner._

Star and Tom were on the other side of the hallway, standing before a window with eyes only for each other.

 _You’re not beholden to her, you’re not beholden to anyone else in this damned castle, and I’m fairly sure they aren’t beholden to make you happy, either. Let’s be honest here, Marco: where do you see yourself in the far future?_ _Do you see yourself in this very same spot, still carrying on with this little charade of yours? How about ten years from now? Twelve, fifteen, twenty years? How about then? Will you still be the Queen’s Royal Squire, ready at her beck and call to serve her, her people, and her loving husband in your pit of self-loathing for the rest of your life?_

“Well—”

_Will you be her accomplice, her partner in crime, an accessory to her machinations as she escapes the castle for an escapade into the countryside to meet her beloved? Risking law and tradition alike to see her and him meld their minds and souls into one?_

_Pulling strings and calling favors to see her face burst into delight, her eyes glistening in wonder at the beauty of her partner’s surprise: a date among the heavens, a sunset meal before the clouds as she eyes him in ignorant bliss?_

_Standing along that aisle, watching her walk in the finest dress of the land towards her prince in the altar? Watching the flowers and petals flying across the chapel as she and her friends laugh and cry with affection?_

“I—”

 _Standing guard before her bedroom doors every night while she moans in pleasure within his arms? Shutting out the sounds from your mind, knowing that could have been you,_ you _giving her the satisfaction only she of all the women in the universe deserves?_

“No, don’t you _dare—”_

_Staring with a watchful eye at the children as they frolic and laugh in their parents’ arms, reminiscing of a lost bond and imagining in a corner of your mind that those kids were yours, their shining eyes and youthful smile taken from the “bad boy” from a small town far, far away?_

“No, no, no, it’ll be alright, I _have_ to be her friend, please just _stop—_ ”

_Watching her hairs grow grey, her supple arms grow weak and brittle, her final days spent on a bench in the gardens leaning upon her one and only, remembering fondly the years that passed by while slowly awaiting the inevitable end?_

_Where will you be, Knight of the Wash and Squire of Princess Butterfly, when that time comes? Will you be standing there, left to the side as yet steadfast, loyal, and devoted as always?_

_Or will you silently cry inside, filled with remorse and regret about that_ one _mistake you made and how all of that, everything you could have wanted and needed, encapsulated into a single, pure woman, could have been all yours if you had simply just—_

“STOP!”

_...weeeell, that definitely got their attention, Safe Kid. Well done._

“We’re going back to bed, we’re going to avoid Star’s and Tom’s stares, and you are never going to do that again—”

 _Hey,_ I’m _not the one doing that. I’m just a manifestation of your brain speaking. No fancy curses here, no Naysaya spilling your secrets_ , _no Monster Arm taking over your human form, just you and yourself talking to one another—we ought to do this more often, by the way. Everything flashing across your mind is courtesy of you and yours truly, and will keep resurfacing in your guilt, thanks to you and yours truly. Just keep a straight face, ignore the pointed glares, say some kind of apology for the disturbance—I was hoping for something more coherent, not a mumble, moron—and get your sorry butt out of there._

_There we go, back on our way to our little humble abode where I’m pretty sure you’re to bawl your heart out once again—oh God, could you kindly not do that tonight? Just this once? Please?_

“I’m near my room, Star’s still following me and I’m pretty sure I can hear her calling my name. How can I make you shut up?”

_Talk to her. Sort things out. Or take a break. Just like what you should have done all those months ago._

“You know as much as I do that if I did that, our friendship would be as good as finished.”

 _So what are you going to do? Are you going to dawdle about it, twiddle your thumbs and hope it just...flutters away? Well, I’ve got this to say: you’ve done _that_ before, and look what you’ve gotten in return: a broken heart, a shattered innocence, a wrecked relationship with not one but _two _women, and a mind fifteen years older than the rest of your body. You gave up everything you ever had: your old friends, your future, your family, your relationship_ — _all of the valuable things of that little, comfortable, perfectly_ fine _life in Echo Creek as the “safe kid”_ — _all for a goose chase after a princess of a land that’s thrown nothing but chaos and heartbreak at you all this time. All of that trouble, and what do you have to show for it?_

_Nothing._

_Did you get what you seek within this land, the love that once was yours? No, you didn’t. What do you have, Marco Diaz?_

_Nothing._

_You never said anything, you never did anything. And that’s what you got out of all of this: nothing._

_Nothing that is yours, and nothing that will ever be yours._

_So what are you going to do about it?_

Marco frowned; his face grew cold, determined, and bitter. Much as he was loath to admit it, he was right—he wasn’t going to get what he had hoped for here. And no, he couldn’t simply stand on the side.

He needed to do something, or else he had to go. 

Marco slowly reached for his scissors, gripping them in his hands.

“I love her.”

He paused.

”I love her, but she’s already let me go.”

His eyes glanced to the bedroom wall.

”So I have to let her go, too.”

Marco exhaled.

”So I’ll go.”

 _So you’ve finally chosen to do something,_ his mind remarked approvingly. _Well done._

“Just shut up, alright? Just this once?”

The voice paused, before seemingly nodding despite its lack of a physical form. _Alright, just this once. Just don’t cry on the pillow later, please?_

Marco Diaz briefly looked back. He sighed, before shaking his head and revealing within his saddened eyes a faint smile—his first in a very long time. 

“Goodbye, Star Butterfly.”

The swirling blue portal gleamed in the moonlit quarters before vanishing as quickly as it came. The bedroom door creaked open, revealing Star’s worried blue eyes roaming the empty room.

“Marco?”

**Author's Note:**

> Goodbye, Star.
> 
> No tricks, no fancy curses, no malevolent supernatural entities here (apart from Tom, obviously), just a long-overdue conversation with a conscience heavily inspired by _The Stanley Parable’s_ Narrator. 
> 
> There may be a loose sequel of sorts in the future. Something more light-hearted, perhaps.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
>  **Honorable Mentions, do check them out:**[”Dipping into the Lake,”](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12725857/1/Dipping-into-the-Lake-Story-by-RK128-and-KuriyanBBQ) [”Marcocrushed”](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12735115/1/%E2%80%9C%20rel=)
> 
>  **EDIT (17/12/2020):** There will be a sequel.
> 
>  **EDIT (16/02/2021):** The first sequel, “Recruits, Part 1” is out!


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